I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special

Thank you Lord for hearing one of my prayers. I’ve longed for it so  I’ll take   any way I can.

Earlier today, I got more than what I asked for. Although I wasn’t in glib form, I still was able  (I think)to maintain  a sound Skye  (even though I know I was making an ass of myself) . I never wanted it to end..I wanted it to go on forever.  My mind’s been stimulated even though conversation was not how it used to be ( my own doing) still,  I’m happy. The happiest that I’ve been… since 5 months go when the same thing happened.

I know I can never  have a place and there will never ever be a place for me but here in this  screen of technology,  I know I matter. I know I have place. Once a upon time there was a  rendezvous of mind in clandestine state  of joy.  And now a wonderful deep soothing sensation  came back.  I was this close to saying the words but I restrained myself. I don’t have to say it.  I’m too damn transparent anyway. Metaphors and all that shit.

I’m awashed in feelings of longing and wanting. Needing to pacify the beat that  drums inside.  But I also keep afloat of what I’m feeling.  I’m a realist.  I’m a fool if I’m too keep hoping. There’s nothing wrong in doing so but sometimes fairy tales are meant for people that deserves them.  Do I deserve it?  Yes.  I want a fairy tale too but it’s  reality of life that keeping the ending not quite what it should be.  It’s nice to dream and hope and wish but I’m no  Cinderella.

I will never ever do something that rocks the boat. Hah.  I’d rather I’d be the one skinned and grazed and scarred. I’m always anyway.  That’s the type I am. Bring it on.  Don’t stop. Don’t leave. Don’t go. I can take it. Even if I’m tempted to do something, I won’t.  My ideals have never changed no matter what situations I’m in or no matter how much I want to be with the one. No matter how much I want to be one.

Everything is like a beautiful kind of pain. Sucks me deep and I must breathe in everything.   What transpired earlier was wonderful. The voice of comfort of love of sex of everything is painful pleasure. ..but  pleasure nonetheless.  I can never have but I know I’ll always have something to keep me sane.

I don’t want to speak so gloom and doom for I’m feeling wonderful and giddy  at the moment. I probably will have nothing on  my mind except   the last letter of the alphabet.  I have this silly  smile on my face.


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