He’s Just Not Into You

Why am I doing this thing?  It’s pathetically insane. Really is. Loneliness  bogs me down once more and so I stare and write these laments and wished that it help release sullen emotions I’m feeling. Mushy!

So I’m wondering… why, why, and why?  Can’t stress that enough.  But it’s alright. I don’t really care. Fine, I do but it’ doesn’t matter. Men are swines Hogging( pun intended he he) all the conceit in the world. You think they’d at least pretend to be nice. I like men, they don’t like me.. hence no special significant other. I have no social life at all and this day, being Valentines day,  I think I’m gonna comfort myself with the fact at least, no swine in my life! Ha ha.  It’s a lonely feeling of staring and doing this entry but liberating because I’m not repressing myself..am I?  Damn, who am I kidding anyway?

I’ve always wondered how come I can’t seem to have a boyfriend, a partner. Somebody that will take care and nourish me (yeah, eat me baby). I hardly go out. Oh yeah,  I think I ‘m recluse.  Unless they talk to me and strike up a good  conversation, I won’t say anything. I’m too shy anyway. I’m only brave here so forgive me. I don’t seek out men. Maybe I should be bold enough to do so, then again.. there are no men to do that.

So, I’m  nobody. A homebody. I know I really won’t have a guy if I keep to myself. On second thought, being wild and skank(y) would surely freak  the men. I’m much too boring and refined. Good luck to me.

If  I’m to have somebody in my life, I like that man to have the intellect so that we can be on the same wavelength.  He needs to be cool looking  and I mean not butt ugly. I’m being honest here. He doesn’t have to be Roman Apollo (cos I’ no Venus!) but a decent face would be nice.  He has to have the bucks.. not millions but enough to feed my appetite for whatever. Food okay!

You know what back in 2003, I wrote the post below on my previous journal entry:

There are times when I keep wondering what is it that I find sexy in man. It’s sometimes hard to define or even to sum up what qualities for it varies. But I do know what makes me feel sensually aroused..hence I find it sexy; The sound of a man’s voice who just woke up is sexy. It’s hovering in my prying curious mind of a naked man..hair tousled and limbs supinely sexy. Mmm..fucking sensual lustiness of eroticity creeping. Ha ha, lovely. One of the things I find sexy in man is the way he laughs. Sexy sweet sinister one. I could envision that kissable mouth with great intensity. Fire tongue. He he. But the man’s brain is the number one thing that I find sexy. Wittiness, intellectual murmurings, the cleverness of a mind that can speak of anything and it’ll make a difference out of nothing. The salient way in which he can glide into conversations without feeling the need to flaggelate ego. Oh yeah, need them kinds of men around. I think that sums it up. I excluded certain traits of sexiness–innerself, common sense, sense humor as  it’s very cliche.

Lest I be accused of these as being my standards for what I really like in man, well, it’s not. It’s just what I find sexy in them. There are several guys who intimate these character like sexiness. It so happens, most of them are online ones and not offline ones. Ha ha. Sad? Not at all. I crave it all. The phantom cloaked men in the guise of some zany at times rather cryptic names..and sounds and intellectuality (on the net) is much and sometimes a better alternative to finding and looking for that man. But who the f says I’m looking?  Uhm, okay.

There ya go.  The men are just too damn blind to notice,  what a gem I am. I sparkle too.

I’m sleepy.

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