Soothe Me

Silence means nothing. There is always void, and as I try and cheer myself, I still hear my own sigh of muted whining. What the hell is new, huh? I’m always gonna be me. I’ve changed but only in the manner that I allow myself to be. I’ve learned to control the angst I seem to always have on display. Well, 11 years passed and yet here I am still I’m doing thesame kind of entries. Loser.

I’m lonely in ways that I feel alone. There’s no one, there’s nobody. I ‘ve been wanting and still I want and I wait.I try and pacify myself through the days of utter suckiness. Of needing and wanting. There are times when I think I’m depressed as hell. I always blame my bloody hell for that.

I whine a lot. I know. It’s a annoying the hell out of me as well.

There are times though when I feel good. A brief interlude of blahs can cause me to be in a state blissful happiness. Oh hell yeah! I smile. Genuine I tug of the lips that would turn the grin straight to the twinkling of the eyes. Drollery. For a moment, I am consumed. It gives me bit of breathing space to absorbed all the joys I feel. I’ll damn well take whatever way or form that joviality brings me. I revel in delight.

Most times though, reality steps in and I’m whisked back to the incessant reminder that I suffer the consequence of my own insatiable desire. It’s not a losing battle, but it feels like a lost cause. I’m not sure. I don’t know. I’m hardly trying. I don’t

Soothe me. I’m sleepy.

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