Light up the Skye

Well, it’s a brand new year.  I don’t know what lies a head but I sure wish it’s something that will light me up. The road less travelled would open and let me see a light at the end of a tunnel. I feel good about things to come. I  am my own comfort and still is. It would be nice to be on the receiving end of somebody else’s comfort though …once in a while.

I’m still  buried knee deep in my  shitty emotion. Still craving and hungering. The missing piece still is missing. Couldn’t find because…well, I let things be as it is. I probably need to have the sense of urgency. I’m slowpoke and I just usually glide about things and whatever is happening. There’s none actually. Perhaps that’s the thing I’m pondering about. Anyway,  I’m filled with plaintive sentiments. I could easily puke reading this. Honestly. He he.

I don’t have any new years resolution for now. I never make those  anyway. I don’t have a list where I would promise to do this or do that and then end up not doing anything about whatever goals I set up for myself.  I don’t even know what I want. Fuck.. of course I do but…I can’t seem to define them in clear terms. I’m not being coy or anything but don’t want to shake the equilibrium for now.

And as I’m doing this entry, I’m feeling nothing.  Void mixed with sadness or maybe disappointment. I don’t know.  I always end up being the fucking loser that I am. I wear my heart on my sleeves as it is and transparency gives a way the emotional suckiness I’m feeling at the moment.  Too much is annoying. Too little of something produces nothing.  A feeling so blank it makes me wanna reach out and tap my shoulders to say..it’s okay Skye, it’s not you.

Damn it. A dismal entry to start the year but gray sky(e) morning out there. I’m not depressed. Far from it. I hate the feeling of being depressed just because it gives to emotional burden. That sucks.  I think I’m just having unsettling feelings at the moment.

Light me up. Inhale me. It’s  morning and I’m horny.

Advertisements

About this entry