Malevolence

I’m irritated for some unknown reason. Wasting my hate away here. Too harsh a word but… as I progress towards this entry, maybe a reason will materialize. Or not.

Last night’s Christmas eve feast was full of blessings. It’s not grand but still there’s enough food to feed the hungry. Food to be thankful for and appreciate hard work that enabled us to feast on a gastronomical delights. Hell, I’m too bloated to even construct proper sentence and make sense of anything. here. Yesterday, I was somehow going through to the motions of getting all hyper with all the preparations for last night’s feast, and believe me I was. I didn’t get excited. Just because a person is hyper doesn’t mean one’s happy. It doesn’t mean that I’m sad though.

It’s raining right now. Not heavy downpour but maybe the weather is joining me in unision with what I’m somehow feeling. Presents were given, gifts opened. Played with the children (as I have mind of child anyway and) had fun and I meant it. Throughout the whole perfunctory of tradition.. an irritation surfaced… a vexation. I don’t have to have reason.

Maybe it’s me..or someone or something or the whole merryfuckingchristmas time. Apathy in celebration. I’m probably bitching about nothing. One good excuse…. PMS… Pissed Moment Syndrome.

I’m alright. I always am. And lest I be accused of being the skylark scrooge… I like Christmas.

I think I know the cause. I’ve always known anyway. But it’s not the reason for the emnity last night.

I hate.

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