Inside the gilded tomb of my mediocrity

So, I’m outta wits. I dunno why I bother. Honestly. Maybe it’s something to just while a way time until I fall asleep. My musings aren’t even relevant. It doesn’t even promote world peace or anything that will uplift humanity. My writings are about days of whine and wishing. Bordering on on irrational tantrums about life and love and nonsensical things. It’s always ambiguity through metaphors. I’ m still like my previous entry. I can’t think and there’s always a void. A blank prose.

I try to always stay focused on what I’ve been doing..which is nothing. Shrugs. If the past were to comeback as the present and will become the future, life would be sweeter and grander. I’m not so sure but may be it will be so. I still would like to be how it was before because back then everything seems so wonderful. Missing past be it the people that matters, events or places. Whatever occasions, I always think if today was the past.. I would have so much fun and I’d be carefree. But today is the present and the past is buried now..but not the dreams and the memories. Remembering brings a sad comfort but a comfort nonetheless. I was sheltered in my own misery. Hell, I probably had been sheltering my own concealed desire in the guise of being a mirth. I wasn’t miserable back then. I think. I was feisty, I was witty and I have the intellect to spar with whoever I so wished to. Now, I am still thesame. I can hold my own with anyone except there’s no one. This is what I mostly whine about. Shit. I knew it’s gonna come down to this. Damn, it will start with remembering then going all the way to whining about being alone and then wanting.

I’m ok. I’m content. I just don’t have anything to unwind about. Life is just me. Life, like that. You know…

The reality looms in my face and is so far out that, I have to chide myself to stop and just let it be. Stop wanting it, Skye. Think of indignity. But I’ve always said, I can handle. But I’m being a selfish bastard thinking of just myself and not the consequence.

If the past were to to happen today I’d have a smile on my face just because I’d definitely would enjoy having an intellectual fucking of the mind everyday. Shrugs.

If I could I would, but I can’t, so I won’t. And so I endure.

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