The longer it goes, the deeper it gets..

The truth is out there. I’m ignoring it. Because the pleasure it gives satiates my need for emotional security and it satisfies the ache I feel, I continue to do so. I don’t know where it’s going. When to stop. Should I stop, or just let it be as it is. I know I’m going to end up being the fool that I am…eventually if I’m not now.

It’s so damn brutal that I fucking wish.. whew. I dunno really. Times like this, I need to re assess and see what point is circle round and if there is symmetry to everything that has been happening. Sacrificing other needs just to hold on to that moment of aching pleasure. I miss. I want. I need. But I’m alone. The mind plays tricks. But it understands. The heart, now that’s where the problem lies. Once there’s a twinge. I am subjected to an unbearable longing..and I definitely hurt. There’s a tryst in my mind. I can do this.. I can withstand. I have to. I’ve got to. Otherwise, I’ll be forever tied to this fucked up state.

I am in torment. Deep sensual fucking of the mind rages on because it’s there and I am absorbing everything. The mind wants and the heart needs.Want because I gotta have. Need because it’s a necessity. Every fucking day, I yearned for it. I wait and bleed and when it comes the pleasure I get is deep fucking sensation. A foolish tryst of the mind that I can’t seem to control. The more I wait. The more it goes, the deeper it evolves into something, I cannot restrain myself. I just wait.

Maybe I’d rather be hurt than not feel anything at all. Nah. I’m dense. I can take it.

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