And she smiles..

Oh what she’ll give for damn ciggy puff and vodka with the one whilst relaxing, listening to the guitar strumming one singing. Hardly carnal, but damn exciting thought.

So yes, she smiles. A wide, silly and giddy one. She can’t help it. It’s been so long that she felt she’s about to come undone and burst to the seams. She can’t wipe that grin off her face. C’mon, she deserves it. A lunatic for it would seem she has been smiling for reasons only her happy heart can lend testament to the fact that life may suck but when you really want it to happen it will happen. You willed it.

She has been rewarded. Always was and always has been so she doesn’t really need to complain. She only does so when it concerns matters of the heart and mind. When it comes to life, she’s blessed. Now the heart is different matter. She longed for that gustation of other past. The one that had devoured her soul, deflowerd her mind. Definitely liberating the inhibitions that cloaked her. The frigid existence that she has built (here) protects her from harsh realities of the world outside her sheltered domain.

She knows the heart is resilient…but she also knows that reality is just fact that is so virtual hence she doesn’t dwell on thoughts that would make her existence even more in shamble state. Right now she just wants to just hold on tightly to whatever makes her giddy.

The conversation never changed, the banter still the same. She laughs and and acts like shitty fool trying to control the pace but the intelligent one will always be ahead. She is just is awe of the intellect and the quick witted way word. When talks turns serious, like when she asked about why sane people do thing that they should’t do..she absorbs the knowledge. Smart ones always does know more. Can articulate more. Serious or nonsensical conversation it just feels wonderful just to spend time.

She feels damn alive. Fuck that! her heart still has a beat. She is tamed though. But she still hasn’t changed. She’s tough. She’s no damsel in distress. She can take it. She has to…or else, suffer the consequence. The existence of angst will explode once more but for now…. she’s happy.

Her favorite letter is z. It rolls off her tongue like sweet fucking moan. Yes, she does smile.

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