Blurry

I have no idea why the title is like that. Everything’s blurry. Maybe just my mind and my train of thoughts.

My life is boring. Everything bores me. I don’t feel any fun at all. Nothing exciting going on. I have no one and it’s depressing, actually. No one to share things and be affectionate. Nobody to talk to or listened to. No partner to have fun with , go to movies or just be plain silly or even become intimate with. It’s all like that but not everything. I can’t explain it but there is something missing. A void that won’t go away and I’m feeling the loneliness every day. I have only been depressed as in really depressed just once and that a couple of years ago. Two days of nothing but sadness and disappointment but, I got over that shitty feeling. And no, it’s not because of I have no one. I wonder, am I on the brink of having a depression once again? No. Although I have often been pensive within my thoughts. Downcast but not really in despair. Maybe, I think I am. I’m not sure. I feel I am at times. I ponder on life again.

I had these thought way back two years ago as to why people do the things they shouldn’t. I even blogged about it. Certain individuals that even though things are going fine and everything is well but deep inside there’s a turmoil of uncertainty eating up the feelings and just masking it up brilliantly..or not so. I will never ever think of doing that THING, but feeling as I am right now , maybe I do sense why people do it. It’s not even having mentality problem as some know it all psychiatrist would assume to be. Normal individuals do it. People with sane minds. Then again if that’s the case, then why do it and cause grief to your loved ones.

Fuck loneliness and sadness and depression. Fuck me, I suppose.

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