Bothered by the undefined

Once again I have thesame unknown feelings. I know that confirming it would only make me a fool and believe that there exists something that  really isn’t even there. I don’t like knowing. especially when it points to the very fragile emotions I sometimes have.  I wear my my heart on my sleeves but I’m pretty much dense about what I think and how I should fee But it’s hard. And  the more I try to ignore,  the more it shows. I do things impulsively in situations where I know I would castigate myself for doing so. Most of the time, I end up looking like the fool. I’m definitely feeling like one for the last few days.  I haven’t been sharp as I would have wanted to and the rust shows. It’s erroding. Decay of the brain has let me down, but more like the heart is failing me. I try not to think and feel. I just don’t want to because I know that in the end I’ll be the who will suffer.  I never learn.

So I’m staring once more. Stuck here.  The Skylark monotonous life of the past. Feeling the bruise, alright. Bothered by the undefined from the other end of the spectrum which is definable, but….I’d rather not know.

It’s best if I don’t bother. I always say to myself it doesn’t matter. But then, again if if it doesn’t matter then I wouldn’t be thinking about it.



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