Hold me when I’m here, right me when I’m wrong

Looks like things are getting back normal. When I say things , I mean the whole my life scenario. I’m comfortable right now. I did get an increase so that’s gotta be something. It’s almost twice as much so I think I can be less frugal and oblige myself a bit of pampering and luxury.

I started going back to the past but with a new future. Sounds confusing, I know. I’d have thought the novelty  would’ve have worn me off but it’s still a great tool for the antisocial fucked up loser. Sometimes. I

I’m  thesame though. Nothing has change. I speak when being spoken to but other wise I usually just stare and listen.  Lately I’ve been having conversation with somebody of sort and I know based from the way how we are exchanging banters, person was somehow under the impression that there was no redeeming quality that I was showing or projecting of myself. It’s alright. Maybe that person is right is. There’s none. I should just learn how to shut up and not to antagonize because in the end, I know it will bounce back  to me and I will be pissed.

I am in no mood to day to write but I’m making this entry because.. I feel a wave of sadness. Once again I am shoved because my attitude can’t seem to get it’s act together.  I am not that  kind of girl that he or anybody else thinks.; vulgar and and obnoxious and loud. I’m hardly that. It’s so damn opposite but I’m not going to give  the satisfaction that yes, the words  got to me. I’m starting to sense but I  will stop at that because the more I do it, the more I feel that the I’m going to crack and once I do, I will end up with the shard imbedded with nobody to care of it. I will be left just absorbing the consequence because, I was fooled easily by my own actions and believe that with trust comes  involvement which I doubt will happen.  .

Perhaps it is I who is fooling myself and I’m left to ponder life.  It’s depressing.

The angst never goes away.  I’ll cry if I want to.

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