Box and vertigo and my bleeding metaphor

Ugh. Period.

Now I know why I was feeling a bit depressed after getting off the net early moring. Well, that and other combination of feelings and thoughts reminiscing in my mind. I wasn’t able to sleep so I read a book. Either that or watch the telly. I chose the first one. I haven’t got a new book so I just picked out one that has passage about ‘being downcast and but never in despair.’ Yeah, no need to mention what the book is. Everybody knows where that line came from. I just read few pages. Till I wanted to sleep already. That was like 4 in the norning.

Here I am now. Bloody hell and all. The weather was fine earlier. I thought to myself.. what a nice day; cloudy and windy but not raining. I guesss I spoke to soon cos mid afternoon it rained. And I’m feeling kind of crap. Lonely and crappy and shitty.

I’m longing for something or someone. Ah Shit. I dunno. There is no past. There was something but really, it’s all about nothing. It feels good thinking about those times. The what ifs. Man, I fucking told myself stop already. I am. I have. To no avail. Hell it’s fun. It’s keeps me on a high. I haven’t forgotten. I keep remembing all the time. There’s this song where the lyrics is just fuckingly apt for everything that has to do with a lot but it’s mostly nothing cos there was nothing. I know it’s confusing. But it’s okay. I don’t care. I write this way.

I am one confused person, sometimes, but not when it comes to what I’m feeling. Desire for that something or someone is so strong yet I really don’t do anything. Why should I? There really isn’t anything. Nothing’s gonna happen. What I have are just those times that makes me (and my mind) feel so fucked up in a good way.

Ahh the life and times of before. Those were the days. I fucking wanna laugh so hard.

Box and Vertigo. I remember, I remember. I still am damned.


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